RSG-OHIO: This one goes to eleven! Dave Collard -- 2006 The Spinal Tap (these go up to eleven!) RSG-Ohio 2006 took place last week in the southern and eastern parts of CowLumbus. The 'up to eleven' phrase now is in the Oxford English Dictionary meaning to exceed normal capabilities. RSG-Ohio 2006 was the eleventh RSG-Ohio, and each year seems better than the last. As always, I can relate a few events, but cannot capture the essence of the camaraderie and good feeling that only comes from a long weekend of golfing with great friends both old and new. It started early for me, on Thursday afternoon, when I met the man who was to become Rock Pile and his friend Phil for a round at Muirfield Village, where The Memorial tournament is held each year. Phil has a brother who invited us to play and of course I jumped at the chance. It was fantastic playing that course which I have seen and watched closely for so many years... knowing how the ball would bounce on the green, remembering shots that the pros had hit. It was wonderful! Thanks Phil! Then back home for final preparations and then awake early for the RSG-Ohio Pre-Warmup Round on Friday at Blacklick Woods. I arrived and took care of business with the course, and then walked back to the parking lot. First to arrive was no surprise: the little red truck of Bill-O! Not coincidentally, he was playing with me in the first group. Then others arrived - it is SO good to see each face and shake hands and hugs. Scott had even brought me a very thoughtful gift of Bunnahunnabunabanuhubbanain! Thanks, Scott! Also in our group were Dave Tutelman and Stemmah. I had a Nassau match against Stemmah, and I easily won the front 9 4-up. Meanwhile Dave T, who is a master storyteller, told us stories when we waited between shots... they always seemed to begin "We were a foursome at Hominy Hill", and Stemmah picked up on that and throughout the weekend this phrase was used humourously, especially when Dave T began to speak. On the back, Stemmah came alive and not only won the back, but halved the total so no money exchanged hands. Good comeback! The weather, by the way, was perfect. In the afternoon, we played a course that until recently was a private course. I was blessed with the presence of Her Royal Hotness herself, Kelly Newell, and we played a fun match against Barefoot Jon Green and The Stork (John Griffin). We beat the Jo[h]ns for a beer, but the joking, laughing and fun talk were what made the round great. We sat on a timber wall behind the 18th green, sipping our victory brew and watching groups come in. This green is evil, and several bets were made, including one where Tex told Neal-San Bell that he would get $100 if he got up and down from the back bunker. Nope. Was actually over the green in two from there. I then offered the staggering sum of $1 if he got up and down from that point, but he had had enough and just picked up his ball. We headed to dinner at The Red Robin, and took lots of pictures and told tales of the day... then some met for a Homebrew Exchange at one of the hotels. We gathered outside one of the side doors where they let us (well, maybe nobody asked), and sampled various homebrews that Rock Pile and award-winner-and-master-beer-judge Chuck B had brought. It was fantasmic! I especially liked Haggis Squeezin's, and was honored to have an RSG-Ohio ale. Much too late, I went to bed. After breaking 80 on both rounds on Friday, I hoped my game was ready for The Main Event(TM). But as per usual, I cannot seem to play well in my own tournament. The Players Club is quite hard, it was very foggy and I got off to a poor start and never recovered. By the time we got to the impossible run of holes 14-16, I was just trying to make a birdie to win a skin, but couldn't do it. I did achieve the greatest 9 on a hole ever, though! I hit a ball left woods, then a provisional right woods. Then my 5th shot was right down the middle (I didn't call it a provisional, and was a bit unsure of the status of the first ball if I had actually found it). Then my 6th faded into the trees just short of the green, and had to hit a low shot over a very steep bunker - my attempt was 3 inches short. Laying seven, my ball was solidly buried under that lip. I heard Tex and Mark Georg discussing my shot, and I figured I would be lucky to get it out, much less up and down. I literally swung my lob wedge as hard as I could and it just got over the lip and onto the green. I really really wanted to make that 20 footer.... and did, staying in single digits, wooohoo!. I had arranged for the course to fly the RSG-Ohio flag on the 18th hole, and it was a welcome sight when we finally arrived. The groups staggered in, brutalized by this tough course and especially the finishing holes. But one golfer shined very brightly and shot an incredible 74, becoming both RSG-Ohio Champion (based on net score) and Premier Golfer (based on gross score). ANNOUNCING THE RSG-OHIO 2006 ELEVENTH ANNUAL CHAMPION: Shawn Beachy! ANNOUNCING THE PREMIER GOLFER OF THE YEAR: Shawn Beachy! The Champion and Premier golfer is Shawn Beachy, who also was the Champion in 1997. I met him on RSG way back in 1995 or 96. Congratulations, Shawn!! I had unknowingly totally screwed up the great scoring spreadsheet that Tex had created, and we had to find an original copy and re-enter all of the data. A very BIG and special THANKS to Tex for the work he has done on this spreadsheet and for entering all the scores as well!! We had a wild and crazy awards ceremony, with a golf towel for each donated by Toucan Golf (http://www.toucangolf.com), plus prizes donated by Clubmaker Online (http://www.clubmakeronline.com), Parabolic golf (http://www.parabolicgolf.com), The Club Doctor (http://www.clubdoctor.com), Birdie Balls (neat practice balls - http://www.birdieball.com), Rain Chute (http://www.rainchute.com), and many many more personal donations by those attending. I won't try to list them all. Also, a photo of each group teeing off was donated by Super Dave and Bob's Action Photo (http://www.bobsactionphoto.com). The photos should be online there soon. Super Dave also announced each match on the tee and their history and credentials. It was great. Then came what is always my favorite part of the event: Match Play Madness (TM)!! Chaos on the first tee as pairings are made. Handicaps - bah, they don't indicate much in MPM. For more information regarding Match Play Madness(TM), see http://rsgohio.com/mpm.txt We watched as John Yoshizawa hit his tee shot way way right into the parking lot. Deuce and I hurried over there - we wanted to see this! And his ball had come to rest in a patched area that was all cracked. He had a bad lie in the parking lot! John arrives and gamely takes out his sand wedge. He eyes the ball... lifts his club... and... TAKES A PRACTICE SWING!!! Awesome! He looked at the scuffed sole of his club, shrugged his shoulders, and hit a great shot back in play. I hear he halved the hole. A new legend born of Match Play Madness (TM). John, you gotta come back every year! No, you can't borrow my clubs!!! :-) I played a match with Mike Dalecki (a single digit handicapper like myself, I think... maybe), and played it to a half. We played stymies this year, but none occurred in our group. Deuce Dean (Ohio) and Jon Green (World) were the other match. The 9th hole (these are 9-hole matches), is a shortish par 3, with a large, well-bunkered, green. As we played the 7th and 8th holes we could hear the roars increasing as each group finished. I was in the second-last group. We joined the wild crowd after we finished and watched the final match come in. It turned out that the overall matches were halved. This was a good showing for Ohio, because we usually lose. Now, I think we had other halved matches in previous years, and we left it at that. This year, however, with that par-3 beckoning, and the crowd wanting a playoff, I said "This hole - you and me." Stupidly, I said it to Tex... Doh! John Pflum caddied for me and Scott Newell caddied for Tex. If we halved, then the caddies would play the hole again. Tex hits the green and has a 20 footer for bird. I push my ball into the bunker. Advantage: World. I study the lie and know I have to make a good shot. I hit a few practice shots to get the feel of the sand and make my shot.... to less than 2 feet, and right in Tex's line. He gave me the putt, lipped his out, and we had a half. Last chance for a tiebreaker, it was Pflum vs Scott. A quirk: they had to play with my and Tex's clubs. Scott made a bogie, Pflagstick had a long putt from the fringe which he left 6 feet short. He lined it up and there was a huge roar when he made it to win the matches!! It was so kewl. Then to Hoggy's for great food, beers, and stories. I always have a prize for the best story of the events so far... this night 16 different stories were recounted and voted upon. I told the tale of John Yoshizawa and his practice swing in the parking lot, and that was the winner! The prize went to John (who was not at dinner). Unfortunately the prize was not a new sand wedge! After dinner, some headed to The Peddler for a beer. I was too tired and did not stay long but I have heard tales which I am not supposed to tell about what happened there and Beyond the Minivan.... Sunday morning dawned bright and, uh, well not bright - it was FOGGY. We had a long fog delay which made me anxious, as I was playing with Sir Plow in our annual match against those Pesky Canadians, David Sneddon and Patrick Inglis. I birdied the first hole (a par 5) to go 1-up, and then rode Sir Plowinske's coattails the rest of the way to victory. The country is safe once again from those Pesky Canadians!! The rest of the groups finished and some had to leave right away. The goodbyes began. It is hard when you all go home. Then to the parking lot and more goodbyes. Another RSG-Ohio was over. I hope you all had as much fun as I did! And I hope you all come back next year! -- -- -- David "Thor" Collard -- thor@lucent.com