RSG-Ohio '99 -- Sept 17-19 Dave Tutelman "There IS no cup!" If I had a dollar for each time Thor said that between Saturday afternoon and Sunday when I headed back east, I could afford to retire. But I'm getting ahead of the story. Let's begin at the beginning... Hurricane Floyd was ravaging the east coast when I left my office at the New Jersey Shore and headed west to pick up Fred and Coops on the way to RSG-Ohio. Usually it takes less than two hours to get to the rendezvous with Fred just west of Philadelphia, and another hour to Coops at Harrisburg. But I left some extra time because of the weather. Good thing, too. It took over four hours to get to the first meeting spot, and another two before we met Coops. In between, I listened to radio reports of the Philly airport closed down tight, the same for most businesses and schools, and a bunch of impassible roads. Turns out one of them was the Pennsylvania Turnpike, the very road I was on. Between serious accidents and a fallen tree across all three lanes, traffic wasn't going anywhere at all for over an hour. We got clear of the weather beyond Harrisburg, and finally pulled into the StarLite Motel around 1AM. A few words about the StarLite, since it was the subject of some E-mail controversy before the weekend. A few facts: - What Fred actually said was, "Cheap is good, but not essential." - The StarLite is indeed cheap. Not just inexpensive. CHEAP! - "How cheap was it?" you ask. It was SO cheap, they issued X-out soap. Ran a black magic marker over the Holiday Inn logo. Seriously! You can't make this stuff up. But the beds were firm and we were really REALLY tired, so we slept well anyway. All three nights. Well, except for Thor, who misread Fred's watch in the middle of the night, woke up, showered, and woke up Fred and some of us in the next room before the error was discovered. But again, I'm ahead of the story; that was Saturday night, not Thursday. FRIDAY Friday morning we played Blackhawk, a really lovely public course near Thor's residence in Sunbury. It had everything to make golf interesting: hills, trees to tighter the fairways, water, and greens that ran pretty true (even if they weren't bikini-waxed). Chuck Sedlacko shot a 40 on the front nine. Of course, he pulled his usual "fashionably late" arrival and had to be carted out to his group, which by then was on the third hole... And he carded a 40 from there to the turn. I played with Coops and Shawn Beachy. Shawn knew the course well, and was an excellent guide. Now if I only could have hit more shots where Shawn indicated. I did in the afternoon, but that's another story... After the morning round, we carpooled about 10 miles to Little Turtle Country Club, where Shawn and Brian Marincovich are members. IMHO, this was the best course we played all weekend. (I know a lot of folks will argue for Granville or Longaberger. You're entitled to your opinions. But I'm right. :-) The greens were fast and true. There was enough water and elevation change to keep it interesting, but not enough hills to make walking and carrying a tiresome propositions. Oh yeah, carrying. We had a problem, in that the club has a policy that they announced at the last minute: no pull carts. Now I usually don't mind carrying (though I'd usually rather pull), but I don't like it when I'm told I HAVE TO carry. Anyway, I put the cart back in the car, and slung the bag across my back. One good thing that came of it is that Fred tried my bag and told me I had the straps too long. When I carried the next day at Granville, it was adjusted much better; thanks, Fred. I played Little Turtle with Shawn, Chuck, and Thor; wonderful group, and we had a great time together. And at least once I had no problem hitting the ball where Shawn told me to. I was "in the zone" from the eleventh to the sixteenth hole, but the tee shot on 12 was the ultimate. It's a dogleg left, and Shawn said that the ideal aiming point was "the rock" a three-foot boulder in the rough at the far side of the bend. ("Don't worry about reaching it; it'll take all you got to get there.") I hit a drive that took off at the target and felt really good. It was quickly beyond my aging eyesight, but Thor never left any doubt. "It's going RIGHT AT the rock. It's going to hit the rock. It HIT the rock!" Sure enough, after hitting exactly where Shawn said, my ball was through the dogleg, sitting DOWN in the rough, and only six inches from the rock. That left me with not an easy second shot, considering how accurate I was to place the ball well. Best I could manage was a bogey -- though I'm proud of that, since the green was a classic Pete Dye, behind-the-pond-with- the-railroad-ties green. Ball dry, but in the back bunker. (So was Thor, but he got a sandy par.) Fred joined us for the last hole, and offered to caddy. I felt funny about it, but Chuck jumped at the offer. Fred gave his best charicature of a pro caddy, "Hit a draw along the line of shade, so it draws into the sun when it lands." That described the perfect tee shot on 18, and -- believe it or not -- Chuck did that EXACTLY. Beer and snacks, then dinner at the Little Turtle clubhouse. They serve a great buffet. Then back to the StarLite for a good night's sleep before "The Main Event". SATURDAY If this is Saturday, then this must be Granville. A wonderful old Donald Ross design. (Many I know would take issue with putting "wonderful" and "Donald Ross" in the same sentence.) The weather was perfect. The price was right; Thor managed to negotiate us a $22 fee for the whole day. (Most of us played 27 holes, but at least one foursome got in 36.) We still haven't played the Granville greens in their true glory. They had been aerated that week, in spite of Thor's being assured that the greens would be good "this time". (Third RSG-Ohio that the greens at Granville were not up to standards. Guess that's why the low tariff.) The greens were still pretty fast, but didn't run as true as they should. It was doubly difficult in that the last course we had played was Little Turtle, with perfect greens. The morning round was the "official" tournament... handicap stroke play for the Coffeemaker Trophy. And the afternoon was "match play madness"... Ohio vs The Rest Of The World (hereinafter referred to as OVTROTW). I played the morning round with Rick Armstrong, Joe Dean, and Fred. I played pretty badly, and Joe and Fred tried to make me feel better by matching my quality of play. Rick is so much better than us that I really wouldn't know whether he was playing well or not, but he assured us that he wasn't. So we let down our hair and sorta hacked our way around the course. Not everybody was so willing to be laid back. When Bill Sponseller and the group behind us arrived at second tee, the group ahead was just leaving the tee. (Granville always backs up here, but tends to open up afterwards.) Bill's comment was, "Second tee, and I'm pissed off already!" I guess the weekend was now official. The high point of the morning round was not Jim Hoskin's winning the maroon jacket (because it wasn't Jim's first time -- he's the first repeat winner -- nor because Thor hadn't brought the maroon jacket to the ceremony, so it wasn't presented). The high point was the Georg's antics on the 18th hole. "High point" indeed. In order to follow the action, you must envision the 18th at Granville. The tee is elevated. How elevated, you ask? Thor says it's 300 feet. I suspect that's an exaggeration, but it is indeed a cliff. Put in a chairlift, and you'd have a respectable expert run in the winter. Well, that was designated the long drive hole. Mark Georg earned the nickname "Rocket Launcher" for the rest of the weekend for his drive there. He wrote his name on the signpost, moved it to his ball in the fairway, then guarded it as the rest of the groups came in. Chris Georg, in the same group, hit a ball to the right-hand tree line, that he couldn't find. While my foursome watched in amazement from the tee, Chris took his driver and RAN up the cliff to re-hit. Strict rules of golf, but not many of us would have had the strength for that climb. Then he RAN back down and finished off the hole. After lunch and awards, we sent about a dozen singles matches out for OVTROTW. This included: - The low-handicap match between Rick and Mark Koenig. - My foursome of Mark Georg vs Brian Marincovich, and Pete Hope vs me. - The grudge match left over from Pittsburgh between Joe and Steve Metzler, which was the last match by order of the TV producer. You have to realize that "match play madness" is NOT match play. Think of it as X-Games match play. You may not touch the ball, you may not clean the ball. You may not lift nor mark the ball. You must finish the hole with the same ball you started. That means you're out of the hole if you're OB, or lose or drown the ball. Not necessarily LOST the hole; your opponent could also lose the ball, in which case the hole would be halved. Things I remember from my match with Pete: - I took the lead on the par-4 third. Pete had an 10-foot uphill par putt, and I was lying three off the green 50 feet away with the green running away. I got my pitch on line and watched it trickle all the way down the hill into the center of the hole for par. I was just hoping to put it close enough to halve the hole if Pete missed, but it won the hole. - We both played the par-5 sixth exceptionally well. Two great drives down the middle. Two long three-woods down the middle. I hit the green with my third shot; Pete had a longer third, and just missed left. I cozied up my downhill putt (Donald Ross, remember), and got my par. Pete scored a fine up-and-down to halve. Best hole of match play I've ever experienced. (You gotta remember we're both 16 handicaps.) - The next hole, we both had a letdown. Pete won the hole with a double bogey. :-( - As we approached the last green, the crowd was large and boisterous. (We were the next-to-last match, so there was quite a crowd.) ChrisG, who finished earlier, went to MarkG on the fringe; Chris knew which way Mark's chip broke. "NO ADVICE!" was shouted repeatedly by the crowd, and Chris retreated. MarkK came onto the green to give me encouragement, on the pretext that he was TROTW's captain. (There IS no captain!) The last thing I needed was encouragement (read "distraction"), and tried to chase him away, but he wasn't having any of it. Somehow we managed to finish the hole, and my match victory evened the point total. - The last foursome was Coops/Pflum and Dean/Metzler. The crowd was now bigger and noisier by four. As the golfers walked the fairway, there were calls of "Coo-oo-oops". Turns out Coops had already won his match. When the Gallery learned that, it turned to rhythmic chants of, "World! World! World!" Joe won on the last hole, so Ohio and TROTW were even. Shouts of, "Tie! The World retains the cup!" Followed by a bellow -- which we were to hear often over the rest of the weekend, "THERE IS NO CUP!" A few diehards played the back nine again, while the rest of us relaxed and refreshed ourselves on the clubhouse veranda. Then there was Coops, who went to the range to work on something and never came back. After more than an hour, he was still pounding balls. Steve and I went to collect him. He didn't want to leave, and insisted on teaching Steve what he was working on. Since it looked like I was stuck for a while, I grabbed a small bucket and started hitting some too. Eventually, the others had to come get all three of us. Dinner at Damon's, then back and to sleep. A bunch went looking for action at The Castaways dance club -- but decided it was too scary. (Even scarier than the StarLite motel, guys?) Except for Steve, who was MIA all night. He did show up in time for Sunday golf though. SUNDAY Everest has been climbed. Now Longaberger has been walked! Thor and Fred were strongly discouraged from walking by the starter. But let's be realistic; we're talking Thor and Fred here. That just made them more eager to walk it. And they did. After their round, the starter said they're the only ones who ever played the whole course on foot. (First year for the course, so that's sorta' credible.) BTW, they did it in about 4:15, and most groups take 5 hours to play this one, even in carts. The course is spectacular. I wish I could say I enjoyed it, but I didn't. I just don't play well from a cart, and my game was not good. No, let's be accurate. I HATE playing from a cart, and my game was atrocious. After the fifth hole, when I noticed my best hole was a double bogey, I decided to stop keeping score and just enjoy the beautiful scenery, the fresh air, and the company. John Pflum and Joe Conte (and a pickup named Tom King) were excellent company at that, so I had a good time in spite of not enjoying the golf. The course is hard, but certainly not nearly as hard as I made it look. With 20-20 hindsight, I could have walked the back nine no trouble. It's certainly an easier walk than Granville, or most of the Pennsylvania courses we play in April and June. But the front nine would have been a killer. My hat's off to Thor and Fred -- though I never had any doubt about the outcome. After watching several of the groups come in on 18, Coops and Fred and I took our leave and headed east. No weather problems on the way back (though there were a couple of construction and accident delays). I finally got home about 1:30. Thor, thanks so much for putting together RSG's most Shmajor event.